Weeping warrior

Even though Sunday has come and gone, here's your weekly tidbit.

"No person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors." Adrienne Rich 

I'm a frequent shedder of tears so I'm always surprised when people apologize for crying. I've never felt especially apologetic about my tears nor have I ever thought that they make me weak. (I do sometimes wish I could put them on hold for a more convenient time but that's more about my vanity--I'm not a pretty crier.) I prefer to think that I just happen to leak when I feel deep emotion and for me, feeling deep emotion is a near-daily occurrence.

If you are in the habit of saying you're sorry when you well up, consider the words above. Life is rough at times and crying is a healthy way of expressing your emotions. Tears don't mean that you aren't strong and they definitely don't warrant an apology. I say: Let them flow. 


"As you get older, the questions come down to about two or three. How long? And what do I do with the time I've got left?" David Bowie

I suspect that if we could keep this in mind (without being all doom and gloom about it), we'd live our lives differently. We'd take more risks. We'd laugh more often. We'd care less about the small slights and give more importance to the knowledge that we're all doing the best we can.

I also suspect that if we could only keep these words in mind, the happiness and contentedness we all seem to be searching for would suddenly materialize right where we are.

Being Who You Are

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." Joseph Campbell 
Many of us waste time wishing we were less [fill in the blank] or more [fill in the blank]. Usually, these perceived shortcomings are a result of comparing ourselves to others. Instead of wishing you were different, how about focusing on being the very best version of you. That way, all you have to do is show up and, without any effort, you'll make a mark on the world that is uniquely yours.

If you insist on resolutions...

January is a popular time for resolutions, and studies prove that you really are more likely to reach your goals if you make them. The trick with resolutions, though, is to borrow/adapt from the SMART model used in the business world.
For the best chance of success, resolutions should be:

--specific (eat one treat a day or have wine only on weekends)
--measurable (number of walks per week or minutes on social media per day)
--achievable (to assess, decide which criteria will let you know you're "there")
--realistic (be reasonable: if you eat out every night, cut back to 4 nights to start)
--time-related (it takes 30ish days to form a new habit so commit to at least that)

And, if making a resolution using SMART seems hard, just do what I do. Resolve to make mostly good choices sprinkled with a few harmless, not-as-good choices and trust that small changes over time will have a huge impact on your life.

Giving season

"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."  

--Sir Winston Churchill 
With the beginning of Hanukkah today, the holiday season is officially here and we will, at least until December 25th, be completely bombarded with deals and sales and BOGO offers. Of course, I'll buy gifts for family and friends this month. And, I'll enjoy it.

But, even more, I plan to give other kinds of gifts as well. I'll put down my phone when I'm with family and friends. I'll make sure to stop what I'm doing to say hi when my husband or kids come through the front door. And, I'll relish the special moments that happen only during this time of year.

Consider what small gestures of your own you can dole out this month. These are the gifts that are truly worth giving and they, more than anything, are what people will remember receiving.